January 2014 - Looking back and looking forward

January 2014 - News from Norberto & Anahi

Happy New Year, and thank you for standing by us throughout 2013. It was a growing year for me as a person, as well as a time of transition as I emerged from the deep grieving of 2012 into a more steady emotional state. I thank God for you and your prayers.

Last January, I was still crying a lot and wondering how I would live another day without my Julie and Timothy. If I could, I would still change things and have my wife and son back with me. But over the past year I realized that God is in control—of our time, family, resources, talents—and we are but his managers. He has given me the strength to go on and to enjoy seeing Anahi grow into a beautiful little girl. Learning to manage the role of father-mother has been difficult, and I have gained a huge respect for single-parent families. I realize more how dependent we really are on God and our need to daily connect with his Word.

Over this past year I have also been involved in the life of the Obligado Church of God. I have been assisting the leadership as their interim pastor, and we have developed a wonderful bond with the church. The people there have become like family.

I met with more wonderful friends in July, when I had the chance to speak at the Christian Motorcyclists Association's western regional rally in Chama, New Mexico. Thanks to MVI for the opportunity.

In September we celebrated Anahi's third birthday. Grandma Grace and Grandpa Richard were here from the States. Friends and other family members came over, too. Celebrating Anahi's life was even more special this time. It was a moment to realize that not all is lost, and the hope of new life is present.

As many of you know, my sister Nila has been living with me since the accident. She has been incredible, helping me raise Anahi and keeping the house managed. She has been teaching at two local universities and plans to leave for Brazil in March to pursue an internship as a social worker in Sao Paulo. I thank God for giving me Nila for almost two years.

As for Anahi, she is a delight. She loves people, life, and little animals. She is very caring. Anahi is also fully potty trained; showers by herself, and loves pouring her milk in her own cereal. She has given me reasons to live and laugh almost every day in the last months.

I look into 2014 with new hope. I am still wrapping up loose ends from 2012 and 2013. I am asking God what areas of ministry he wants me to continue and what are some new ministry chapters I need to pursue. I am praying for direction as I look into the future and the life God wants me to live out as a full-time missionary and minister. 

May 2014 bring great blessings into your life.

Much love,

Norberto and Anahi 

HAPPY 8TH BIRTHDAY TIMOTHY

I wanted to publish this blog a month ago. I am ready now. Here are some random pics which helped me process the pain of my second birthday without my little boy.

I have been going through my e photo albums over the last few days. I have looked at every birthday since Timothy turned one, on Nov 23rd of 2006. He grew fast and was a true joy in our lives. I have given myself permission to feel his absence again this weekend. I must say that focusing on Anahi has helped me deal with the loss of Timothy. I am doing much better and I am accepting Gods ways for my life.

Here are some priceless pictures

Timmy prayed on his own. He also sang Lob und Dank before we started eating at birthday number five. 

Grandma Diane and great grandma Grace both came to celebrate his 5th birthday

My sister Nila and Priscila have been by my side and very supportive at every event with Timothy.

At three months, Timothy learned kicking the ball in his basket. I got a kick of him lifting his feet and making this ball fly...

In 2006 Julie introduced Timothy into a baby contest. Timothy won his first award. I don't recall what it was, but I remember family and friends voting for Timothy.











In April, 2011, exactly one year before the accident, we traveled to the state of Neembucu, a place we had wanted to always visit. Actually that year we finished visiting all 17
states of Paraguay. This was wonderful trip as a family. I
remember it rained a lot but we had so much fun. We visited
historic sites. In one of them we found some remains of the great war Paraguay fought in 1870 against Argentina, Brazil and Uruguay. Timothy loved digging in the sandy fields where one of the battles took place. It was our first family archaeological dig. We told each other we would one day come back with better equipment and try to find TREASURES. Timothy talked about this trip for a long time.

Timothy and I loved taking pictures. He would take the camera and take all kinds of pictures. He would take anywhere from 10 to 20 pictures and then put the camera down. I loved looking at his pictures and figure out why he focused on certain things. This picture in particular was one he took. We were holding the camera and he pushed the button.

BUSY finishing 2013

I was going to post November 23rd, when my son Timothy would have turned 8, but somehow I could not do it. Some days I grieve, while other days I celebrate life with my daughter Anahi. More days than not I am doing ok.  

Service at Obligado Chuch of God

Its been busy as I transition out of my current position as interim pastor of the Obligado Church. Back in mid 2011 Julie and I had accepted an interim-part time position to help this local church. After nine months of serving the Obligado church we had our terrible accident.  

The church has embraced me and became my extended family over this past year. I have come to love these people and feel that God has placed them in my life for such a time as this. I am wrapping up my work in the Obligado Church, to continue with my other responsibilities as missionary and pastor. 

Dancing to one of her little toy songs

Making sure her parrot is ok

Anahi is growing up and giving back so much. I celebrated her third birthday in September. She is becoming very communicative and shares her wants and dislikes very clearly. I am trying to balance love and discipline. Some days her charm override and break down my wanting to be tough. I love her so much. I believe she is chosen for some specific purpose which I am excited to be a part of. 

Baking with aunt Nila

My sister Nila has been an incredible help during this season and I cannot thank her enough for her commitment to Anahi and me. She has set aside many of her personal dreams and plans to be with us for almost two years. She will be moving out this coming March 2014 to work and study in Brazil. Please keep her in your prayers.

I thank each one of you for keeping us in your prayers. Thanks for your love and support.

Happy 2014 - NEW YEAR

Norberto and Anahi (and aunt Nila)

Keeping life interesting

Our Newsletter #1 : to my supporters

Timothy's room

Timothy's room

Timothy loved to create, and he would often kneel by his bed to work on Lego projects. His mind was inquisitive and, while playing, he learned to troubleshoot. I loved that about my son.

The week of the accident, Timothy had dumped his Legos onto one of his two beds. The last morning we left the house together, that's where his Lego collection was. His bike was parked in one corner of the room. His airplanes were sitting out. One of his favorite soldiers was lying next to the bed, which had automobile-design sheets on it.

For the first seven months after the accident, I kept this room locked. I did not have the courage to step inside, and I did not want anybody else to go in, either. I needed time to allow myself to accept the fact that he was not with me. Holding on to how he left the things in his room seemed to give me the peace of something familiar, to which I could go back when I felt ready. I needed to see the room just how Timothy left it. For my last image of the room to be of a boy picking his nose and playing with his Legos. Somehow I thought that, by not going in, perhaps I would wake up one day with Timothy still by my side, just walking out of his room, and life would be normal again. It’s the one place in the house I did not want to touch or change.

In November 2012, on the day of Timothy's birthday, I collected my courage, unlocked the room, and walked in. It was quiet, as if it had been waiting for me. I sat on the bed, looked around, and wept. I was alone in the house, so I just let my tears flow. I spent the next months doing my morning quiet time here, in Timothy's room. It gave me a chance to think, pray, and accept and grieve the absence of my boy.

As I write this morning, the sun's rays are coming into the room, which faces east. The sunrise breathes hope and newness. I cry often in this room where my firstborn played and slept for almost seven years, but I know that Anahi represents the new life that God is allowing me to live.

Last month, Anahi turned three, and I am feeling that it's probably time to move Timothy's stuff out of his room and pass the room on to her. I think I will change the wall from blue to pink—although I might leave a stripe of blue in honor of Timmy. It's a hard step to take, but I have learned to be okay with tears and allowing my heart to be moved by the love that Timothy and I shared. I remember that I would ask Julie, "Can one love too much?" She would say, "Of course not. There is always room for more love."

Timothy, you were so loved, and you continue to inspire me to love and not give up hope. I am learning that this journey of living in this world requires tremendous love and divine strength. I miss you, and, although the colors of your room will change, your toys will be removed, and your bike will be ridden by other boys, you will continue to be in my heart as I continue living, loving, and walking on this journey.

I promise you this:

• I will continue building with the Legos of life that God will place in my path.
• I will continue being curious, like you helped me to become. I will ask many questions.
• I will continue praying simple yet profound prayers that I know God can hear.
• I will continue picking my nose like you used to do—sometimes in public.
• I will continue believing that each day is a gift, just as you were my gift in my thirties.
• I will continue being spontaneous, eating ice cream and chocolate just because.
• I will continue being a child at heart, when life seems to push me to be to serious.
• I will continue to believe that little boys are gifts from God to their daddies.
• I will continue to watch over your sister, Anahi, and remind her about her older brother.
• I will continue running barefoot and feeling the grass under my feet, not worrying about what others might think.

Thanks for sharing your room with Anahi now. She is growing and becoming a beautiful little girl. She loves to ask questions, just like you did, and is very active. (I mistakenly thought she would give me a break and allow me to sit and rest a little more.)

Timothy, I will keep a few of your Lego projects as reminders of your ingenuity and creativity. And when life gets a bit stale, I will remind myself of you and the way you changed me and pushed me to be a better person.

TWO very hard months

The last two months were hard. Somehow July and part of August brought back a dark sense of despair and hopelessness. I was doing so well, at least I thought. I had passed the one year mark in April.  I was feeling renewed strength and feeling like the worst was over. Suddenly bam bam, I felt the world coming down

I believe that several things contributed to my slipping back into an acute state of grief. One, grieving is cyclical as I have learned. It bytes back when you less expect it. Second, Julies birthday was in July and August would have been our thirteenth anniversary. Third, I was back in the states on a very short trip and happened to visit a few places that Julie and I would have been together on our last trip. Among these places,  is our campus at Anderson University, another was being with relatives and just being on a plane alone with no one to share my journey with, knowing that wherever I landed, Julie would never again meet me at the airport with her smile, saying, I am glad you are back. I missed you so much. I have taken for granted the importance of a loving face at the end of a journey. This time I left alone and came back alone.

I am aware that this is my new life and reality. I am aware I have to begin living in this new chapter, but somehow those two months were incredible hard. I felt some of the same emotions from a year ago. Hopelessness, loneliness, bitterness, upsets nest with life and even with God. I realized I became apathetic and did not care about others. Just ugly, when will this end. Why I am feeling this way after I had come out of that dark hole.

Now I am slowly detached from those strong emotions and its probably the reason I can write and look back. I could not get myself to write one blog entry in August. I was in survival mode. Constantly tired from crying and struggling emotionally, watching Anahi and trying to keep life from chaos.

I feel that I have gained a new understanding on people suffering with depression, painful emotions, and hopelessness. I thank God for all of you who are still praying and have lifted me through these dark moments. Thank you. I realize once again that God has placed us in community so that when one of us is hurting, others can step in and carry our burdens until we can muster the strength to walk again.

I am feeling much better, with new excitement about the spring and the future that God might have for Anahi and myself. Anahis birthday is coming up September 21st, as the trees and flowers in the southern hemisphere blossom.

My second anniversary without Julie

 My second anniversary without Julie

Thirteen years ago last month, on a hot and humid summer morning in Indiana, in the open-air ceremony Julie had wished for, the two of us said, "I DO." For the next 12 years I shared my every day with Julie. But for the last 18 months I have been without her.

While Anahi has given me a reason to get up every day, not having Julie with me has been exceedingly difficult. Julie and I always stuck together, even during the early adjustments of marriage. During our conversations, we would often agree. "Yes," she would say. With Julie, I learned that the depth of conversation develops and the shaping of character occurs only in the long run. How many couples skip out too soon, I wonder, and miss out on what their marriage could have become?

Over the years, I also came to realize that marriage becomes sweeter as it ages—I loved Julie more as the years went by, and agape love began to really make sense. I remember how Julie's smile and her encouraging words meant so much to me. Good tea, apple pies, long conversations holding each other’s hands while looking into each other’s eyes—those were the treats of the wonderful marriage that God allowed us to experience. I am so blessed for having had Julie as my wife.

During the period just before the accident Julie and I agreed that we were experiencing a great season in our marriage. We had come out of a long winter, a winter caused in part by not being able to conceive. After Timothy was born, Julie experienced an ectopic pregnancy as well as surgery for endometriosis, but the arrival of Anahi—born on the first day of spring in the southern hemisphere—helped bring a fresh wind into our marriage. When Anahi joined our family, Julie had a new reason to believe in God's goodness. Julie was constantly smiling and showing off our little girl.

In ministry we had transitioned from directing the radio station to pioneering ICCI, the Bible training school. Seven months before the accident we had accepted an interim pastorate at our local church. We were busy but very excited. "Synergy" was a word we often used as we got up every day to serve each other and to serve the Lord together.

We had both made a commitment to work out any issue that came up. Sunday was usually the day we took the time to talk about anything that might have been left unresolved during the week. It was a day we dedicated to each other, and we made sure that the family was together. That day has been especially hard since Julie passed away.

We tried to make every anniversary special, celebrating each in a different way. In 2000 we shared fondue at the Melting Pot restaurant in Indianapolis. In 2004 we spent our anniversary in the hospital for Julie’s surgery. In 2011 we connected with Anahi for the first time—it seemed like every other celebration paled in comparison to embracing Anahi into our life. We had also begun saving money for our 15th anniversary coming up in 2015. Our hope was to backpack through Europe for two weeks without the kids. We wanted to do something very special to both of us every five years.

I loved being married to Julie, and I continue to believe that marriage is the most fundamental, although the most neglected, institution in the world. Marriage brings out the best and worst in us, but its success really comes down to how much work we want to put into it. Starting by changing oneself will do wonders for any marriage, and service to each other is something both spouses need to learn to do in order to grow a marriage.

Julie, it’s my second year without you. It still does not seem real that you will never again be my side on this side of heaven. We both believed we would grow old together. Some days I think I have the strength to carry on, while others I can’t imagine life without you.

But I also remember that you always encouraged me to overcome and never get stuck in self-pity or complain. So I am taking steps to hope and believe that God still wants me around, and if his plans include the reconstruction of my life with somebody else, I know you would fully approve of me continuing with joy this journey on planet Earth, experiencing the joys of family life that you brought into my life so well. I am encouraged by all of the good memories I have of you; they are a source of inspiration to believe in life and in the love of God.

For now, however, I say goodbye. You continue being loved by two people whom you truly touched in the last 15 years.

Yours always,

Norberto and Anahi 

Clapping at the funeral

Today was hard. I was invited to share at a funeral in town. I was not sure if I could even be there, or even say something without loosing my voice.  People of all ages were crying, struggling, quiet and starring in the distance. Esmelda, a 64 year old mother had a stroke yesterday and went to be with the Lord within a few hours.

As I finished sharing by the grave side of Esmelda, and they had lowered the body, a man came up to me and suggested we clap for her and say goodbye this way. I had never even thought about clapping at a funeral. I asked my friend Hugo if he thought this to be OK. He said, sure, why not.

People clapped for a long time. As they were clapping I thought of Esmeldas arrival and the angels welcoming her with beautiful music saying you have made, you are home. Another image that came to me was from the foot races I have been on. There is nothing like having family waiting for you a the end of your race and people cheering for you.

I also thought of Timothy and Julie, clapping loved ones into heaven. I thought of the day my little boy will clap  when we finally meet. It was a great moment. I challenged the 250 plus people to hope, and live in such a way and to make it to the finish line.

I am challenged daily to move forward and push until I too cross the finish line.

Letter to Julie on her second heaven birthday

Hi Julie

Today  we would party because its your birthday. You always made sure we had fun on family birthdays. You started the tradition of making breakfast in bed for the birthday person in our family. You made sure there was a present and a moment to celebrate.


Today was quiet. I was on the road traveling. Life has changed dramatically since you went to be with Jesus last year in April. Its been actually hard to celebrate. I have been looking at pictures this evening, hoping to savior some of those birthday occasions.

I treasure the wonderful moments I had with you. There were so many. You had party written all over you. You are turning 37 in heaven. You actually have stepped into timelessness. You are no longer aging. I know deep inside my heart that you are more alive now than ever. I am a little jealous.

I send you my love and hugs. My prayer is that today you and Timothy had a moment together with probably angels and a great choir. Your legacy on this earth continues to touch life's. My pain has connected me with others who have lost loved ones.  I continue doing what we have both began.

Sandy, our dog is ok, Anahi is growing beautifully and keeping me very busy. She prays for you. She misses you. I am watering your orchids. The flowers and bushes you planted have bloomed this year. Everything is growing. Thanks for leaving me with the smiles of so many flowers and with the legacy of your love in my life.


Thank you Julie, I love you. Give Timothy a hug for me....Tell him I love him..I miss you both

your husband Norberto

Thomas the Train

Thomas the Train

Opening the Chama Valley Times, a paper from a small town in the mountains of New Mexico, I saw on the first page a picture of Thomas the train. The caption read: “The little blue engine so beloved by children everywhere, once again made a stop in Chama for two weekends.” Immediately my thoughts went to my son Timothy.

One of Timothy’s favorite toys was Thomas the train. He had Thomas trains in all sizes, as well as a series of Thomas videos.  For about a year, Thomas the train was the focus of his playing attention. The pinnacle experience with Thomas the train took place in July 2009 when, during our furlough, we spent a full day with Thomas the train in southern Indiana.

Timothy was four years old at the time. He had been looking forward to this experience. I remember distinctly how Timothy was afraid when he finally met Sir Toppam Hatt in person. We ate, got on Thomas the train, and rode the train as a family, shouting, talking, and making Timothy's dream come true. We laughed and experienced wonderful moments on that hot July day in southern Indiana.

Timothy, I am so glad we got to experience Thomas the train together. I will never forget your excitement. I am sure you are having a great time in heaven, but I treasure the time you and I had with your mommy four years ago.