Passion for Paraguay

I dont want to dwell in the past, but today I did for a moment. I know I am not alone in this journey, as many others have experienced loses in different degrees. I could go on about the pain, the valley, the uncertainties, the questions, the whys, but I want to highlight the good that is coming from these last years. I had Timothy for almost seven years, six years, seven months and three days. I felt cheated when he was taken, but then I realized, I had a child to love and care for almost seven years. He was healthy, hardly ever had to see a doctor.  It is so true that people will come into our lives, some to stay for a very long time, others to fade away or suddenly dissaepear. Today, I look at people as a gift to me for a season, hopefully a long one. I had Julie for fifteen years. We dated three years and were married almost twelve. I learned about loving unconditionally. We did not always agree, but we learned to love in spite of our temperaments and styles. Julie was on...

This morning I woke up and could not get going. I was alone in the house while my sister and Anahi were running some errands, and one of Julie’s favorite songs was playing on the radio.  I began to cry. "God, how long? When will I see the other side?" As paradoxical as it may sound, I am actually beginning to long for the next grief surge. It has become the new familiar thing. It’s the one connection I have with my past. It’s the time I have to myself to think of two great loves that enriched my life for 15 years. Thinking about the son I had, who made me a dad and brought fatherhood out of me. Pondering how love grows deeper over the years. Thinking about the incredible wife God gave me, who loved me unconditionally and made me a better person. Now all of that is gone, and I am left with just a quiet house and tears. But I am also aware that life never stops and is constantly moving forward, even if I am moving very slowly right now. People move on. Many of you h...

I can’t say enough how Julie's words in her journals have blessed me. Over the 12 years of our marriage, we occasionally read to each other entries from our journals. But only occasionally. Why read each other’s journals when we had each other in person? In person, we could talk and share insights, struggles, and dreams. We met every morning for Paraguayan tea time. It was a ritual, a sacred date that we considered one of our daily highlights. Missing the 6am tea time was almost a transgression of a family tradition. Today during my early tea time, I opened a journal from six years ago. Julie was sharing her struggles as a mother, wife, and daughter of the king. A few months after Timmy’s birth, she wrote: "It’s my first Mother’s day ever. Thank you God for the privilege of being a mom. What a life change I have had in the last six months. Timmy has consumed so much of my time and energy but it is all worth it. Timmy is sitting up unassisted and soon, will ...