Passion for Paraguay

Our three year old Dominick has been telling us about a dream he had during Easter week. The dream too place on the night of April 18th, 2019. Seven years ago, on April 18th, 2012, I lost my wife and six year old son in a car accident.  Dominick woke up a few days ago, and shared his dream: In this dream he saw his brother Timothy hanging out with God. They had fun together and were chasing each other around. Dominick played with Timothy.  Its the first time Dominick shares such a clear dream. . . At least three times on April 18th he repeated what he saw and did.  These past two weeks have been so special in that Dominick in various occasions referred to that dream of him with God and his brother Timothy. A few days later, he dreamed again about his brother.  I consider myself blessed. I hope you are too

Looking back, these have been the longest two years of my life. On the day of the accident we got up early, like many other mornings before taking a long distance trip. We got in the car, said a short prayer and got on the road. It was a normal start to our day. An in that normal day, everything was about to change. A little over one hour into our trip, on April 18th, 2012, the accident happened. Everything changed dramatically since. The first months were mere survival, struggling between getting up in the morning, asking hundreds of questions, working out all the legal aspects of the accident, and trying to do the job of two. Some days getting thru the next hour seemed overwhelming. Two years have passed since that dark morning. This week I have given myself some space and intentional time to process another layer of what happened. My hope is to bring more closure and healing. I am writing goodbye letters addressing areas that I felt needed closure. I am writing out excerp...

I woke up exactly at 5 am on Friday April 11 th . I go to my office and write this. It was so unique, since I was not planning to be up this early. But I was so awake and ready to get up that I just got started with my day. Usually I sleep until 6 or 7 AM. I realized I woke up at exactly the time the accident happened, one week before the second anniversary. It’s almost like I sense Julie and Timothy saying to me, we are with you and want to walk by your side during this week in a special way Over the past months I have felt the need to stop everything. I have intentionally taken time off to pray, think, grieve, cry, journal, reflect and pause. I have sensed an increasing need to pause this month. I have set aside, delegated and minimized all my responsibilities and duties. I believe this month will bring more healing to my soul and help me move forward. After getting up and having a wonderful time with the Lord, I decided to get up at 5 am every morning until April 18 th. ...

Timothy's room Timothy loved to create, and he would often kneel by his bed to work on Lego projects. His mind was inquisitive and, while playing, he learned to troubleshoot. I loved that about my son. The week of the accident, Timothy had dumped his Legos onto one of his two beds. The last morning we left the house together, that's where his Lego collection was. His bike was parked in one corner of the room. His airplanes were sitting out. One of his favorite soldiers was lying next to the bed, which had automobile-design sheets on it. For the first seven months after the accident, I kept this room locked. I did not have the courage to step inside, and I did not want anybody else to go in, either. I needed time to allow myself to accept the fact that he was not with me. Holding on to how he left the things in his room seemed to give me the peace of something familiar, to which I could go back when I felt ready. I needed to see the room just how Timothy lef...

Today was hard. I was invited to share at a funeral in town. I was not sure if I could even be there, or even say something without loosing my voice.  People of all ages were crying, struggling, quiet and starring in the distance. Esmelda, a 64 year old mother had a stroke yesterday and went to be with the Lord within a few hours. As I finished sharing by the grave side of Esmelda, and they had lowered the body, a man came up to me and suggested we clap for her and say goodbye this way. I had never even thought about clapping at a funeral. I asked my friend Hugo if he thought this to be OK. He said, sure, why not. People clapped for a long time. As they were clapping I thought of Esmeldas arrival and the angels welcoming her with beautiful music saying you have made, you are home. Another image that came to me was from the foot races I have been on. There is nothing like having family waiting for you a the end of your race and people cheering for you. I also thought of Timoth...

10 months of grieving and healing All to You, I give it all to You. I lay my life before You. Lord, I surrender all. All that I have been through, I give it to You now. And though I have some questions, things I'll never understand, I come into Your presence, and I place them in Your hands. I know that You are faithful. Your mercy will sustain me, and Your grace will see me through. I cast my cares upon You, and I come to You in faith . (From the album, Thank You Lord, by Don Moen) Ten months ago, my life changed forever. I still wish so badly that I could go back to my former life, connected to Julie and Timothy. I struggle, I wrestle, but at the same time I am aware that I have to embrace and accept the new life God is giving me. It’s so easy to think that we are in control, and that life as we know it will last forever. Nobody lives expecting tragedy. We avoid it. But there is an appointed time. This alone should give us purpose and direction. I want to make mine ...